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Chelsea beating Barcelona at the Nou Camp, with ten men

Written By Games Lover on Friday, April 27, 2012 | 11:53 PM

Lionel Messi missed a penalty as holders Barcelona were sent crashing out of the Champions League semi-finals after 10-man Chelsea battled to a 2-2 draw at the Camp Nou on Tuesday.

Chelsea, leading 1-0 from the first leg, snatched a 3-2 aggregate win on a night of extraordinary drama which saw the Premier League side recover from 2-0 down and the dismissal of captain John Terry to reach next month's Munich final.


Barcelona looked to be cruising to victory after goals from Sergio Busquets and Andres Iniesta put them 2-0 up in the first half either side of Terry's red card for a foul on Alexis Sanchez.

But a superb counter-attack and chip from Ramires put Chelsea ahead on away goals, and in the dying seconds substitute Fernando Torres completed an unlikely fightback to kill off an unforgettable contest.

Chelsea manager Roberto Di Matteo hailed his side's "incredible achievement" in reaching the final, where his side will face either Real Madrid or Bayern Munich.

"A lot of people had written us off and we showed again what kind of character these players have," Di Matteo said. "We didn't expect to play with 10 men and we knew it was going to be tough. It was even more difficult than we expected.

"They're a great team, with some fantastic players. We just showed what we're made of." Disappointed Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola attempted to strike a philosophical note after a traumatic exit.

"The first thing I feel is huge sadness," Guardiola said. "I think we played exceptionally well. We have done everything we possibly could to reach the final. Finals are great but we'll have to watch this one on TV. "We have played well recently but it wasn't enough. Sometimes football is like this. This year it was not our turn. This year it seems like we could couldn't win."

An extraordinary first half had seen Chelsea manage to frustrate Barcelona in the face of remorseless pressure despite the setback of losing Gary Cahill to injury after only 12 minutes. Cahill was replaced by Jose Bosingwa, with Branislav Ivanovic moving to centre-back.

Despite the defensive reshuffle Chelsea's thin blue line held firm, with Petr Cech saving brilliantly with his leg from Messi on 19 minutes before Terry slid in desperately to block Iniesta's follow-up.

At the other end Chelsea were limited to pumping long clearances for Didier Drogba, who, just as he had done at Stamford Bridge a week earlier, was forced to plough a lonely furrow up front.

It was only to be a matter of time before Barcelona's monopoly of possession yielded its reward and the breakthrough came on 35 minutes, the start of a catastrophic period for Chelsea.

A headed Drogba clearance fell only as far as Dani Alves on the edge of the area who picked out Isaac Cuenca on the left, who in turn rolled his pass across the six-yard box for an unmarked Busquets to sidefoot home.

It got worse for Chelsea a minute later with Terry's dismissal, which left the English side with neither of their starting centre-backs. It was not long before the makeshift nature of Chelsea's defence was exposed and Barcelona struck what looked to be the killer blow on 43 minutes.

Careless play from Raul Meireles saw Messi dart forward and feed Iniesta, who sprang Chelsea's defence and prodded past Cech for 2-0. Camp Nou rocked with delight but incredibly, within minutes, Chelsea were back in the game and ahead on away goals AS Ramires scored.

Lampard's magnificent pass sent the Brazilian racing in behind the Barcelona back four and when Victor Valdes advanced the rangy midfielder clipped an exquisite chip into the net to make it 2-1 on the stroke of half-time.

The Catalans were swiftly back into their stride in the second half, however, and when Drogba brought down Cesc Fabregas to concede a penalty the match again seem to have swung in Barcelona's favour. Yet Messi, the most prolific scorer in Europe this season with 63 goals, implausibly crashed his spot-kick against the bar and Chelsea were let off.

But the pattern of the game had been set, and what followed was 40 minutes of excruciating tension as Barcelona took up permanent residence on the edge of Chelsea's penalty area. Chelsea, however, somehow managed to thwart their tormentors, closing down relentlessly and never allowing Messi, Xavi and Iniesta the freedom to work the ball into dangerous positions.

All too often Barcelona's artful probing led to nothing as they cut the ball back from wide positions where Chelsea's wall of bodies stood firm. Sanchez had a goal disallowed before Cech tipped a shot from Messi onto the post in a frantic finale.

Then with Barcelona caught pressing upfield, Torres darted clear of the home side's defence and touched round Valdes to score and Chelsea were through. The win came at a cost, however, with Ramires, Ivanovic and Meireles all picking up bookings that will keep them out of the final.

Source

The better side does not always win

The Spanish striker scored the Blues' second goal of the night as Roberto Di Matteo's side held Barca to a 2-2 draw at Camp Nou to progress to the tournament decider following a 1-0 victory in the first leg in London.


Prior to the match, Torres had warned Barcelona that upsets can happen, and the Spaniard believes that Tuesday's contest is an example of that.

"Football is just like this," he told reporters. "The better side does not always win.

"We knew this is what we had to do against Barca, although this is not the prettiest thing to do.

"We used our weapons and it turned out great for us in both matches. Barca had their chances, but they did not take them and we found a lifeline with Ramires' goal.

"We have great respect for Barca because we know they are the strongest side in the world."

Torres then lamented the fact that Chelsea will be without suspended Branislav Ivanovic, Raul Meireles, Ramires and John Terry for the final and stated he has no preference in meeting either Real Madrid or Bayern Munich in the tournament decider.

"We are qualified for two finals [FA Cup and Champions League] and we will continue to fight for fourth place in the Premier League," he said.

"These last weeks could turn a bad season into a memorable one. We will be without several players and the most important thing is to continue like this and believe that we can win.

"I have no preferences because if we want to win the Champions League, we have to beat any side."

Source

Spain in shock as 'God-like' Guardiola quits Barcelona

Josep Guardiola's decision to quit as coach of Barcelona after four record-breaking years is tantamount to a prime minister resigning, according to one Spanish football expert. Begona Perez told CNN World Sport that Guardiola's imminent departure had sent shock waves around Spain and plunged Barca's fans into a period of mourning as they contemplate life after the coach who delivered 13 trophies.


The 41-year-old's reign at the Catalan club has been littered with success and underpinned by a philosophy that has produced some of the most attractive football seen in recent times. Guardiola cited tiredness as the major factor in his decision, describing his four years on Barca's bench as an eternity. His assistant, Tito Vilanova, will take the reins next season, but for now, it is all about Guardiola.

His decision to quit prompted his current players to pay the warmest of tributes. Lionel Messi took to his official page on social networking site Facebook to laud Guardiola. "I want to thank Pep with all my heart for everything he has given me in my professional career and personally," the 24-year-old wrote.

"Because of the emotions I feel I preferred not to be present at Pep's press conference and to stay away from the press because I know they will look for the pain on the players' faces. It is something I decided not to show." Perez told CNN Guardiola's announcement was a huge occasion in Spanish sporting terms.

"It's almost like a prime minister leaving his post," she told CNN. "He's almost God-like in Barcelona. What he has achieved has been amazing.

"The most successful thing at Barcelona is the philosophy at the club. He didn't invent this style of football but he made it perfect. We've seen in the last four years what they achieved and the style has been amazing." Perez explained that four grueling seasons at one of the world's most high profile clubs had finally taken its toll on Guardiola, who had always maintained it was a job that no-one could do indefinitely.

He has also had to contend with serious illnesses to defender Eric Abidal, who recently underwent a liver transplant, and health difficulties for his successor, Villanova, who had a tumor. "It has been a very difficult season," she added. "There are personal reasons behind this, they lost to Real Madrid and Chelsea in the last week, but it's been difficult for personal reasons.

"Especially with the illness to Abdial and his number two Villanova. Basically he needs a break. We expect him to take a sabbatical year because it has been emotionally very hard this season. "He's a person with other interests -- he is football obsessed but he is the kind of person who likes to read a book, go the cinema and obviously his family. He has made many sacrifices and he wants to make the most of it now."

As for Guardiola's replacement, Perez said promoting Vilanova from assistant was the logical choice for a club that prides itself on a distinct approach to the game "We don't know what is going to happen to this team in sports terms and whether they will be able to win trophies with Tito Vilanova," she added. "Guardiola has been the most successful manager in Barca history and that is something that is going to be difficult to achieve again.

"I think the fans are very sad, they feel it's an end of an era but they are happy with Vilanova talking over -- it's a natural decision.

"It's someone who knows the club inside out, he was the manager of the likes of Fabregas, Pique and Messi in the youth team so it's a continuity of the club's philosophy."

Source

Holstein with mad cow disease was lame, lying down

FRESNO, Calif. (AP) — The California dairy cow found to have mad cow disease was very old for a milk producer and had been euthanized after it became lame and started lying down, federal officials revealed in their latest update on the discovery.


The 10-year-old dairy cow, only the fourth ever discovered in the United States, was found as part of an Agriculture Department program that tests about 40,000 cows a year for the fatal brain disease. It was unable to stand before it was killed and sent to a rendering plant's Hanford, Calif. transfer station. It was one of dozens that underwent random testing at the transfer site, and the positive results have set off a federal investigation into the source of the disease.

U.S. health officials say there is no risk to the food supply. The California cow was never destined for the meat market, and it developed "atypical" BSE from a random mutation, something that scientists know happens occasionally. Somehow, a protein the body normally harbors folds into an abnormal shape called a prion, setting off a chain reaction of misfolds that eventually kills brain cells.

A USDA spokesman says they do not yet know what causes this strain of the disease. Agriculture officials are investigating, among other things, whether feed sources might have played a role in the animal contracting the fatal illness.

The strain of bovine spongiform encephalopathy that appeared in the UK in the 1990s and set off a worldwide beef scare was a form caused by cattle eating rendered protein supplements derived from slaughtered cattle, including brains and spinal columns, where the disease is harbored. Scientists know less about the "atypical" strain.

It "may or may not be related to feed or forage type," said Larry Hawkins, spokesman for the USDA's Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service in California. The dairy in question is one of 381 in Tulare County, the No. 1 dairy county in the nation. Most mega-dairies have computerized records which would allow investigators to easily track any offspring the cow had in order to keep up her milk production.

However, USDA spokesman Matt Herrick said investigators are laboring through paper records. That fact, combined with the fact that the cow was more than twice as old as most milk cows in the system, could indicate one of the region's smaller dairies is the target of the probe. The World Organization for Animal Health has established protocol for investigations into cases of bovine spongiform encephalopathy that includes finding other cows that the Holstein in question was raised with, tracking down all progeny and determining what she ate.

After the UK crisis, federal regulations changed to keep brains and spinal columns in cattle over 30 from being rendered into protein products for human consumption. In addition, bovine protein is not supposed to be fed to other bovines.

However, bovine protein is routinely fed to egg-laying chickens, and the "litter" from those chickens — chicken excrement and the feed that spills onto the floor — is collected and rendered back into cattle feed. Neurodegenerative researchers such as UC San Francisco's Dr. Stanley Prusiner, who received the 1997 Nobel Prize in Medicine for discovering prions — the protein associated with BSE — has warned that the US should ban poultry waste in cattle feed.

Most dairy cows typically experience declining milk production by age 5 and are sent to slaughterhouses to be ground into hamburger. The FDA tests 40,000 of the nation's 35 million slaughtered dairy and beef cattle annually for BSE, targeting animals older than 30 months, when the disease is more likely to appear. However, there are cases of BSE that have been detected in cattle as young as 20 months.

"We are testing .12 percent of the cattle slaughtered," Michael Hansen, senior scientist at the Consumers Union and a longtime critic of the US policy regarding mad cow disease. "In Japan they test all cattle over 20 months, in Europe it's all cattle over 24 or 30 months, depending on the country. They've been able to find sick animals that look healthy but could have ended up in the food supply."

A move by a Kansas beef packer in 2006 to voluntarily test all of its beef so it could label the packages "BSE free," was thwarted by the USDA, which argued that it would create instability in the market. Creekstone Farms Premium Beef had challenged the USDA's position that it held legal authority to control access to the test kits.

In the current case, the USDA didn't elaborate on the cow's symptoms other than to say it was "humanely euthanized after it developed lameness and became recumbent." Outward symptoms of the disease can include unsteadiness and incoordination. The unidentified Tulare County dairy where the cow died was not under obligation to report its suspicious behavior, according to state and federal agriculture officials, because the symptoms mimic other neurological diseases that can afflict cattle, said Dr. Richard Breitmeyer, director of the California Animal Health and Food Safety Laboratory at UC Davis.

"In reality (mad cow disease) is so rare in this country and there are just very little in the way of clinical signs specific to BSE alone," said Breitmeyer, who spent 17 years as California's state veterinarian.

Source

Think carrots, not candy as school snack: advocates

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Junk food may soon be hard to buy at American public schools as the U.S. government readies new rules requiring healthier foods to be sold beyond the cafeteria -- a move most parents support, according to a poll released on Thursday.


With childhood obesity rising, the survey found most people agreed the chips, soda and candy bars students buy from vending machines or school stores in addition to breakfast and lunch are not nutritious, and they support a national standard for foods sold at schools.

The findings from the advocacy group Kids' Safe and Healthful Foods Project came as the federal government prepares to roll out a nationwide standard that may set up another battle among health experts, schools and the food industry. The U.S. Department of Agriculture is expected to issue its guidelines by June, according to some experts. These could limit the amount of sugar, salt and fat that foods sold at schools could contain.

Agriculture Department Under Secretary Kevin Concannon said an important step in addressing childhood obesity is to help make the "right choice an easy choice" while at school. "We look forward to working with parents, teachers, school food service professionals and the food industry to craft workable guidelines so that healthier options are available for our students," he said.

Many states have already enacted their own laws mandating healthier non-cafeteria food options. Jessica Donze Black, a dietician who leads the Kids' Safe and Healthful Foods Project, said the results show growing support for updating standards that surfaced in 1979.

"What has changed in the last 30 years is that the childhood obesity epidemic has more than tripled," she said. "The school environment has also changed. ... Today, there are a lot of other places throughout the day that compete with kids eating a healthy school meal."

SUPPORT FOR HIGHER STANDARDS

Eighty percent of the 1,010 adults polled said they would support nutritional standards limiting the calories, fat and sodium in such foods. Seventeen percent would oppose it. Most also agreed there are now few healthy options. Just five percent of adults said vending machines offered totally or mostly healthy choices compared with 10 percent for school stores and 21 percent for a la carte lunch lines.

Changes to school foods may be controversial. New standards for more fruits, vegetables and whole grains in traditional school meals announced in January drew scrutiny when lawmakers blocked limits to french fries and counted pizza as a vegetable because it contains tomato sauce.

Efforts to give students more healthy options to help fight childhood obesity have historically faced pressure from food and beverage companies and even from schools themselves, who rely on such food sales for extra cash. But health experts, pediatricians and other advocates say that is changing as more companies and school districts come on board at a time when more than one-third of U.S. children are overweight or obese.

"Most people accept that soda, candy bars and other unhealthy foods just don't deserve a place in school on a regular basis," said Margo Wootan, head of nutrition policy at the Center for Science in the Public Interest. She said there are still concerns that members of Congress and industry lobbyists could water down the proposal.

The American Academy of Pediatrics' Laura Jana said new rules are imperative now that kids consume more than half of their daily calories in school. More students are getting most of their calories from snacks and drinks, not meals, she said. "To me, it's a no-brainer. ... They can't make that healthy choice when we stick all those temptations under their noses," said Jana, a pediatrician based in Omaha, Nebraska, and co-author of "Food Fights: Winning the Nutritional Challenges of Parenthood Armed with Insight, Humor and a Bottle of Ketchup."

JUICE, GRANOLA BARS

Food and beverage makers have expanded their portfolios to include juice, granola bars and other healthier products. Vending machine companies focused on nutritious offerings have also sprung up. U.S. drink companies have already taken voluntary steps to keep sodas out of some schools and their trade group says this has cut calories consumed from beverages in schools by 88 percent.

Christopher Gindlesperger, spokesman for the American Beverage Association, said its voluntary guidelines are a good model for the government to follow. "It's a standard that's already in place that is working. It strikes a balance," he said.

ABA's guidelines eliminate soda in elementary and middle schools but allow diet sodas and low-calorie sports drinks in high school. Companies such as The Coca-Cola Co, PepsiCo Inc, and Nestle SA either had no immediate comment or referred questions to industry trade groups.

Mars Inc, maker of the iconic M&M's chocolate candies, said it has already agreed to withdraw branded vending machines from schools and does not offer traditional candy in those settings. Mars said it has instead developed other, lower-calorie products.

As for schools, most now realize vending machines can help teach students about healthy habits and boost learning even though money does loom large, said Whitney Meagher, project director for the National Association of State Boards of Education.

"If you have a choice between a cookie and an apple and the cookie is going to sell better, it's hard not to make that decision as a business decision," she said. The Kids' Safe and Healthful Foods Project is a joint venture by the nonprofit policy group The Pew Charitable Trusts and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, a private organization that aims to improve Americans' health.

Its poll surveyed 1,010 registered voters by telephone in mid-January and has a margin-of-error of plus-or-minus 3.1 percentage points.

Source

Speedweeks Open Strong for Nascar at Daytona

Written By Games Lover on Tuesday, February 21, 2012 | 12:22 AM

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. - Kyle Busch twice appeared destined to destroy his race car, and twice used breathtaking saves to keep on running around Daytona International Speedway.

He probably shouldn't have been in position to race with the leaders. Yet there he was, bearing down on the finish line with a shot at winning Saturday night's exhibition Budweiser Shootout, and with a slingshot pass on the outside of defending NASCAR champion Tony Stewart, Busch pulled off a miraculous win in the first event of 2012.


Not too shabby of a start to the season.

NASCAR has every right to be giddy about Sunday's season-opening Daytona 500, a pivotal race in sparking interest at the start of a very long season. A rain-shortened event in 2009 set the tone for a rocky year, and two lengthy delays to fix a pesky pothole in the track surface impacted the 2010 season.

Then came Trevor Bayne's upset victory last year, and NASCAR never looked back. The 2011 season ranked among the best in years, and ended with a phenomenal race between Stewart and Carl Edwards for the Sprint Cup championship. The two ended the season tied in the standings, with the title going to Stewart on a tiebreaker.

All that momentum meant NASCAR could tweak very little during the offseason. Why mess with a good thing, right?

Well, not everything was sunshine and roses.

NASCAR officials said earlier this month that more than 80 percent of fans polled "hated" the two-car tandem style of racing that had taken over at Daytona and Talladega. Such a strong opinion forced NASCAR to spend a significant chunk of the offseason tinkering with the rules package in an effort to recreate pack racing before the Feb. 26 opener.

The Shootout proved NASCAR made the right moves, and the drivers seemed overwhelmingly in favor of the racing.

"It's pretty wild and crazy, but, I mean, I like this better than what we had last year, definitely," said four-time champion Jeff Gordon, who rolled his car several times and wound up on his roof for what he said was the first time in his NASCAR career.

Gordon's night ended seconds after he nudged Busch, triggering a chain-reaction crash that also led to Busch's second save of the race. It was one of three multicar crashes — the wrecks collected 23 total cars, set up a green-white-checkered overtime finish and resulted in the closest finish in race history. Busch's margin of victory was a mere 0.013 seconds, and his driving awed his competitors.

"I was right behind him ... and he had to catch it three times before he saved it," Stewart said. "When you get 3,400 pounds moving like that, to catch it one time was pretty big. To get away from him and catch it a second time was big. The third time was big. That's three big moments in one corner. He just never quit driving it.

"There's a lot of guys that wouldn't have caught that. I'm sitting there and the green is still out. I'm going, 'Man, that's the coolest save I've seen in a long time.'"

It was a redemption of sorts for Busch, who had to fight hard to keep his sponsors intact at the end of last season. Suspended by NASCAR for intentionally wrecking Ron Hornaday Jr. in a Truck Series race at Texas, primary sponsor M&M's told Joe Gibbs Racing it didn't want Busch in its car the final two races of the year.

His career was at a crossroads, and Busch worked hard during the offseason to repair his reputation. He referenced M&M's, which was back on his car for the first time since the company pulled itself off the No. 18 Toyota for the final two races of last season, during his Victory Lane celebration.

"First race back in the M&M's car, and we're back in Victory Lane. Pretty cool," Busch said.

There are other feel-good stories heading into NASCAR's biggest race of the year.
  • Danica Patrick will make her Daytona 500 debut, and the series is thrilled she's made the full-time move to NASCAR.
  • Dale Earnhardt Jr., NASCAR's most popular driver, had his best season in five years in 2011 and is excited about his chances in the Daytona 500.
"I like this kind of racing better. At least I know what to expect," Earnhardt said. "I feel like I have a better chance with this style than I did last year for damn sure."
  • Edwards bounced back from his loss to Stewart in the title race by winning the pole for the Daytona 500.
  • There's already some controversy, as the car for five-time series champion Jimmie Johnson failed inspection before it ever got on the track. Crew chief Chad Knaus will likely be penalized after the Daytona 500.
It's all setting the stage for Sunday, which is shaping up to be a strong opener for NASCAR. The race probably won't be 500 miles of three-wide racing, but if it's anything close to the Shootout, it's bound to be entertaining.

Source : nbcsports.msnbc.com

New-look Knicks a work in progress as team falls in Carmelo's return


NEW YORK -- Two and a half weeks ago, the Knicks and Nets clashed in Madison Square Garden. It was a meeting between the 10th and 11th best teams in the East, two floundering franchises seemingly destined for failure. The Knicks had lost of 11 of 13 games when Jeremy Lin, a twice-released point guard out of Harvard, unassumingly checked into the action.

The rest is history. Lin scored 25 points in that Feb. 4 game to spark a 99-92 victory over New Jersey. He averaged 25 points and 9.5 assists over his next eight starts, improbably lifting the Knicks to .500. His story captivated the world -- a refreshingly genuine nobody-believed-in-me tale that dominated headlines from Brooklyn to Beijing.

On Monday, however, that script was flipped. Despite Lin's best efforts (21 points, nine assists, seven rebounds), the Nets upset the surging Knicks at home, 100-92. And with it, New York's roller coaster of a home stand (beat Sacramento, lost to New Orleans, beat Dallas, lost to New Jersey) took another surprising twist.

"The whole team was out of sync," said Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni. "We lost what we were doing the last eight or nine games."

That much was clear, with the Knicks displaying a carelessness that was absent against the defending champ Mavericks. It prompts the inevitable question: Will the newfound allegiance between Lin and Carmelo Anthony -- who scored just 11 points in his first game back since suffering a strained groin on Feb. 6 -- develop into the perfect union that New York so fiercely hopes?

"Any time you have new players coming back, your identity as a team is going to change," said Lin. "That's what we need to figure out, what our identity is gonna be."

At times, the nightmares concocted by talking heads -- issues with spacing; a lack of offensive concentration -- were realized. After racing to a 13-3 lead to open the game, the Knicks were outscored 39-20 over the next 14:41, shooting a paltry 8 of 24 during that span. Anthony was particularly sloppy, finishing with a game-high six turnovers, three more than the error-prone Lin.

The most representative play occurred with 6:47 left in the third quarter. Anthony tried to juke DeShawn Stevenson, attempting a stop-and-go toward the basket. The ball slipped out of his hands and sailed harmlessly out of bounds. Whether it was a result of a lay-off or him pressing, he, and the Knicks, appeared discernibly flat.

"I felt a little rusty," said Anthony. "I wasn't trying to overdo it. Get this game under my belt."

Of course, credit is due to the Nets. The vilified Kris Humphries notched another double-double (finishing with 14 points and 14 rebounds), and Deron Williams was unstoppable. He netted a game-high 38 points, shot a prolific 8-of-14 from distance -- including three in a span of 45 seconds -- and nearly outscored the Knicks by himself (18 to 22) in the third quarter. He cemented his reputation as one of the league's best point guards.

"Williams played out of his mind tonight," said Amar'e Stoudemire.

Williams also left a friendly reminder for Lin: The second time around, the league won't come so easy.

"I think he's becoming a marked man a little bit," said D'Antoni. "But I think we make too much out of individual matchups."

After electrifying the Garden on Sunday, the Knicks lulled it to sleep. And with a grueling schedule on the horizon -- 10 of their next 14 opponents boast winning records -- things are about to get undoubtedly tougher.

"We have to get some things sorted out," said D'Antoni. "We have to figure out the type of team we have."

But here's thing about this Knicks' season, unlike any in recent memory: Each game seems to take on colossal significance. Each loss forebodes future doom. Each win amplifies expectations. Similar to the Heat last season, the Lin-era Knicks have become the definitive story in sports. They're under a media microscope: Anything -- good or bad -- seems possible.

But we only know so much. Lin remains a revelation, his heroics outweighing his turnovers. Anthony and Stoudemire can still produce like All-Stars, and New York's role players (Steve Novak, Tyson Chandler, Landry Fields, J.R. Smith) are learning to adjust. The maturation period will take time and growing pains.

Monday's loss at Madison Square Garden was part of that process. And while certainly disappointing, it's not catastrophic.

"Obviously we're not happy with how it went," said Lin. "But sometimes you need to go through times likes these to become a better team."

In the back wall of the Knicks' locker room, adjacent to a massive plasma TV, a dry-erase board lists the team's season notes. Each bullet is penned in blue, emphasizing fundamentals stressed since AAU. But above the X's and O's, a separate message is written in caps: Keep Building Our Great Team Chemistry.

That's the test moving forward. Anthony is back. Baron Davis is back (he scored three points in 9:40 of playing time). Now it's up to the Knicks -- and their transcendent point guard -- to continue defying the odds.

If nothing else, Melo is fully on board.

"I want Jeremy to have the ball," he said. "I want him to create for me. I want him to create for Amar'e. There are gonna be times where I'm the distributor, but for the most part, I want Jeremy having the ball in his hands."

Source : sportsillustrated.cnn.com

McLaren extend support for young driver Magnussen

Written By Games Lover on Monday, February 20, 2012 | 11:56 PM

McLaren have confirmed that Kevin Magnussen will undertake additional challenges over the coming year, after he reached the next stage of the British team’s young driver programme. Magnussen will carry out work in McLaren’s simulator and will also be given the opportunity to drive the MP4-27 during this year’s young driver test.

“I’m really pleased by this new agreement with Vodafone McLaren Mercedes,” said the 19 year-old. “The team has shown great faith in me so far and I feel that this is an important step in my career.

"F1 is a highly pressured, data-driven environment, and anyone who wants to get there and succeed within it has to master all the technical aspects of the discipline. This is a great opportunity and I look forward to working with the team and playing a part in Vodafone McLaren Mercedes’ future.”


Magnussen is the son of former McLaren test and race driver Jan Magnussen. Last year he finished runner-up in the British Formula Three championship, claiming eight pole positions and winning seven races. In 2012 he will combine his role at McLaren with a full-time drive in World Series by Renault.

“Racing is the core business of Vodafone McLaren Mercedes,” concluded team principal Martin Whitmarsh. “By enabling talented drivers to fulfil their potential, our Driver Development Programme is a strategic investment in the future of that business and the sport as a whole.

"We’ve been delighted by Kevin’s progress, aptitude and work ethic thus far. The time was right for him to take the next step and we look forward to helping him gain the experience he requires.”

The young Danish driver joined the entry level of the team’s young driver programme back in 2010.

Source : www.formula1.com

Chelsea hierarchy must back me, says manager Andre Villas-Boas


Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas says the club's hierarchy should make it clear they back his vision for the Blues' long-term future. Speaking on the day before the club meets Napoli in the Champions League, Villas-Boas insists he is restructuring the club to "sustain" their success.

Villas-Boas maintains that he has the full backing of owner Roman Abramovich. But the Blues boss said: "These words would be more valuable coming from the top. I cannot keep saying them."

Meanwhile, Chelsea have been made aware of the alleged racist abuse of members of their squad when they arrived at the team hotel in Naples.

"If any members of our team or staff are subjected to racist abuse we would find that wholly unacceptable and it would be reflected in our conversations with Uefa," a Chelsea spokesman said.

Villas-Boas has presided over the club's least successful period since Russian billionaire Abramovich took control of the club in 2003, having not won a Premier League game since 14 January.

The West London side currently lie fifth in the top tier, out of the League Cup and facing an FA Cup fifth round replay at St Andrew's after being held 1-1 by Championship side Birmingham City at Stamford Bridge on Saturday.

But, despite having enjoyed just one win in six matches, Villas-Boas has issued a reminder that he is on a 'three-year project' at Stamford Bridge. He has already spent around £76m on seven players in his first season with five of those signings aged under 24.

"In terms of the results this year," added Villas-Boas. "The speculation is normal given the cultural past of this football club, but you have to understand that there's a different perspective now.

"We had a three-year project to change not only the team, but the culture and structure of the club.

"There's a lot we needed to do, a lot of plans. That's why I'm excited about the future.

"Having said that, we have to build a team to win trophies.

"We're no longer in the Carling Cup and don't have a chance to win the title. But we are still confident we can do well in the Champions League and the FA Cup." The club's joint top marksman Daniel Sturridge had insisted earlier in the day that they are not "a divided unit".

"We are a family and we've got a good unit going," the 22-year-old told Chelsea TV. "Maybe we will see that in the next few games."

Ahead of Tuesday night's last 16 first-leg tie against Napoli, Sturridge added: "They have some great individuals, as well as a good team. "But we have the same and we are not going to worry about what they have got.

"We have to go out there with the attitude that they have got to worry about what we have got." Fellow Blues striker Didier Drogba said: "We feel that no one really believes in us.

"We are going to show we deserve to be here. It's a top game and we are going to have to get a good result." Drogba denied that he gave a half-time "team talk" to Chelsea when they were a goal down in Saturday's FA Cup tie against Birmingham before coming back to draw, thanks to a Sturridge header.

"The manager made the speech at half-time," said the Ivory Coast international. "He has leaders in the squad and we are here to help him.

"We wanted to gee the team up at half-time and nothing more." Napoli will have to do without coach Walter Mazzarri, who must serve a two-match touchline ban for pushing over Villarreal's Brazilian striker Nilmar in a touchline spat in the group stages.

Mazzarri predicts that Chelsea's European experience makes the Italian side underdogs. "We will face a team who have played more than 100 Champions League matches," said the 50-year-old Napoli coach.

"We are proud to play this match but I don't want to hear anyone saying we are the favourite. We can find a result only if we play a great match.

"All the team has to play not only a special game, but the perfect game. It will be important for us that Chelsea will not score any goals at the Stadio San Paolo."

Source : www.bbc.co.uk

Federer beats Davydenko to book Del Potro final


ROTTERDAM - Top seed Roger Federer battled past Russian Nikolay Davydenko in an entertaining 4-6 6-3 6-4 triumph on Saturday to reach the World Indoor Tournament final.

The Swiss former world number one now faces third seed Juan Martin Del Potro of Argentina who brushed aside second-seeded Czech Tomas Berdych 6-3 6-1 in Saturday's first semi-final.

Federer, who has admitted struggling with the surface and his rhythm, recovered after losing the first set having been broken in the ninth game and early in the second set.

Davydenko dominated from the baseline using his powerful forehand but dropped his serve in the sixth game of the second with Federer taking four straight games to force a decider.

Davydenko wasted four break points in the third set while Federer, whose serve was never convicning, failed to take six chances before finally breaking to love to settle the match.

"We often played big matches and today again," said Federer. "It is good so see him performing so well again."

Asked about his previous showdowns with Del Potro ahead of Sunday's final, the Swiss added: "He beat me in the 2009 US Open final in a tough five setter, while our last match at the Australian Open was my 1,000th match on the tour."

Source : chinadaily.com.cn
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Ka qen ni her nastradini duke kalu me biciklet po ju ka prish.
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Naradini heci me biqiklet deri kur e ka ndreq biqikleten.
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U kan nastradini tu hes rrunges edhe do shok i kan thon rrena bre.
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Ish kan ni here nastradini edhe i smuhet gruja edhe ne aksham e.
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Nje dite kish vdek nje plak dhe pasi nuk ishte Hoxha prezent
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Nasradini e ngjalli plaken.
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Qka bëhet kur vdes njeriu? Vorroset...
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Femijut kur i dhemb dhembi qka duhet me i bo?Me ja mshu n'grusht.
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Kur ti hekish floket mos u rruj se te del ma shum...
Ka qen ni her nastradini duke kalu me biciklet po ju ka prish.
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Naradini heci me biqiklet deri kur e ka ndreq biqikleten.
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U kan nastradini tu hes rrunges edhe do shok i kan thon rrena bre.
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Ish kan ni here nastradini edhe i smuhet gruja edhe ne aksham e.
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Nje dite kish vdek nje plak dhe pasi nuk ishte Hoxha prezent
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Nasradini e ngjalli plaken.
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Qka bëhet kur vdes njeriu? Vorroset...
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Femijut kur i dhemb dhembi qka duhet me i bo?Me ja mshu n'grusht.
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Kur ti hekish floket mos u rruj se te del ma shum...
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Qyr more qka te ka ra ne tok.Motiii o kan
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E pyet mesuesja nxenesin:Islam,numeroj tre kafshe te Afrikes.Islami:Luani...edhe dy krokodilla.
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Çifti i ri i posamartuar vjen në hotel. "Ju lutem dhomën më të mirë për tri netët e ardhshme", thotë burri. Portieri i pëshpërit gruas së re: "Ju pasket fat zonjushë, zakonisht ky e merr dhomën vetëm për ca orë."
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Aktori i drejtohet birit të vet në ditën e suksesit shkollor:"Si kalove biri im, çdogjë në rregull?" "Paj, babi, kontrata ime me klasën e tretë u vazhdua edhe për një vit."
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Shefi i drejtohet sekretareshës: "A keni planifikuar diçka për të dielën në mbrëmje?" Ajo shkëlqen:"Jo zoti drejtor!" "Mirë pra, të hënën mund të vini me kohë në punë!"
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Blerësja në arkë të një shitoreje ushqimore: "Dje keni gabuar për 50 €uro zotëri!" "Ëshë dashur të tregoni menjëherë zonjë, tash është vonë!" "Mirë pra, po i mbaj paratë!"
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Pas dasmës çifti i ri drejtohet në hotel për ta filluar jetën e re. Dhëndri i ri i shqetësuar nga ajo që po e pret mundohet pesë minuta për ta futur qelësin në vrimë për ta hapur derën. "Hë", i drejtohet nusja e re, "mirë po na fillon jeta e re, ë!
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Nje i burgosur po e pye tjetrin,"Per qka t`kan pru k`tu"? "Kurgja, gjykatesi po thot qe edhe Shteti paska prodhu disa monedha sikur t`mijat" !!
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"Sa kushton qethja e flokeve"? "10 euro". "E sa kushton rroja"? "5 euro" ..."Ma rruj koken, pra" !!
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Hyri një gru me dy fëmi në një kafiqë ,po i afrohet kakarjeri dhe po e pyetë: -çka doni të pini? -mbushe këtë (ia jepë cucllenë) mbeti kamarjeri me sy të hapur.
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Ishte njëri dhe e kishte një papagallë, Kurë ky zotriju dilke nga shtepia, papagalli e merrke telefonin dhe thirrke gjithë kund. Në fund të muajtë zotëriut i erdhi 3000 DM që të paguaj (u kallë). E mori papagallin dhe e denoj të gozhduar në murë për një vitë. Papagalli i gozhduar, në murin përballë tij ishte Jezus krishti i gozhduar, papagalli po e pyetë: qe sa je kështu? -Qe 2000 vite. -Q'ja paske q... nanën telefonit
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-A ke degjuar për oqeanin Atlantik? -Po. -Unë e kamë kauar not. -E ti a ke degjuar për oqeanin e Vdekur? -po more. -Unë e kamë mbytë.
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Shkon nji peder,qisi si do në temat tjera,në nji pomp benzini tanen,edhe e mer at gypin dhe e vendos në prapanicë,nga dritarja djaloshi thot : ashtë DIZEL kujdes,ndërsa pederi përgjegj:nuk ka gajle se unë e kom SUPER. jan dy pedera tu bo muhabet njoni i thot tjetrit jom met shtatzan ky i thot lej mos ja qij qat non se na pederat nuk munem me met shtatzan ky tjetri thot po po se mu ka vonu muti qe shtat dite
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Po shkon Hitleri ne aushfic me ni vizite edhe ashtu gjithë jahudite po reshtohen edhe duke kaluar Hitleri pe sheh një fshise duke levizur edhe po therret: ej ti qe je mshef mrapa fshises dil... njoni mrapa fshises përgjigjet: kush me dal se 3 jena.
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Një flokëkuqe, njê zeshkane edhe një bjonde hyjnë në një bar edhe një kamarier ju thotë se osht një pasqyrë magjike në banjo. Ju thotë se nëse para pasqyrës dikush thotë diçka t'vërtetë, pasqyra jau jep ni shpërblim; po nëse rren, pasyra e thithë mrena n'veti edhe s'e lshon ma kurrë. Shkon flokëkuqja edhe thotë:"Mendoj se jom fmena ma e bukur n'këtë bar." Pasqyra ja jep 1 milion dollarë. Shkon zeshkanja e thotë:"Mendoj se jam femra ma e meçme n'këtë bar." Pasqyra ja jep çelësat e Ferrarit t'ri. Shkon bjondja ia nisë me folë:"Mendoj...."e pasqyra e ngrehë mrena e s'e lshon mo...
ishin kon pas taku nji dit nji kinez nji amerikan dhe nji shqipëtarë dhe në bisedë e sipër kinezi fut gishtin në vesh ne po flet diçka , pasi që kreu iu drejtua shqiptari dhe e pyeti se çfarë bëre ndërsa ai ia ktheu fola me dike me telefon , kur u kthy kah amerikani çka me pa po e shikonte thonin dhe fliste me dike dhe e shikonte në një ekran që e kishte në thua . Shqiptari i inatosur mendoi diçka dhe filloi të goksoj , që të dy ju drejtuan e ti çka po ban kështu , asgjë nji mesazh më erdh nga gruaja...
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Ish kon pas shku nji her nji plak te nji mjek i veshve se nuk ndiente mirë për nji ko,troll dhe mjeku filloi ta kontrolloj pas kontrolle mjeku iu drejtua plakut " Agj a e pi duhanin " plaku i tha se po edhe ate kaçak , agj duhet me e lan se prej duhanit nuk po nien e për qata tê kan lan vesht , agja i habitur e shikoi mjekun e i tha po ti shok mjek se më kan lan vesh ti po don me më lan edhe ment aaaaaa
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-Ish kan nje katunare dhe krejt katuni e thirrnin "sarme",...mirdita "sarme"..mirembrama "sarme"..ku je "sarme", e kshtu me radhe qdo dite. -Nje dite katunari (sarmja), e kishte vendos kush ta therret "sarme" me ja thy hunt! -Del ne rruge e po pret , po pret, ...dikur po vjen nje kalimtare. -Miredita "sarme". -Ah ta q.fsha nanen, e nxjerre nje STUPC dhe e killave katunarin e shkrete. Mirpo ky tipi shkon drejt e ne Polici dhe tregon rastin . ..... mos me zgjat, vjen koha e dalin ne gjygj. Gjykatesi po e pyt viktimen:-Na tregoni rastin ne detaje. -Zoti Gjykates une e thirra me emrin qe e therrete krejt Katuni. -E cili eshte ai emer? -Po ai emer eshte (e shikonte "sarmen"), kur e zijme lakren,eee e mbushim me mish,eee e me oriz, eee e mandej,eee e mandej.... -MBSHTJELLE MBSHTJELLE SE TA KUM Q.. NANEN!!!
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Jam i pamartuar.Isha i fejuar, mirpo martesa deshtoi.Qe PSE: -Per Vitin e Ri vendosa ti dhuroi te fejuares nje pale dorza te Dimrit, e bashke me dhurate edhe nje leter pershendetese. Aty ne shitore takova nje shoqe te kohes shkollore, e cila bleu brek(gaqica). Shitesja me pakujdesi , na i nderroi pakot, keshtu qe shoqja i kishte marre dorzat, e une brekt! TASH MUNDENI ME MARRE ME MENDE TE FEJUAREN TIME, KUR E HAPE PAKON ME DHURATE, DHE E LEXONE LETREN PERSHENDETESE. Qe edhe permbajtja e letres... "Me kete dhurate e dashur, dua te disponoj dhe ta baje me dije se te dua.Heren e fundit kam verejtur qka te mungon, pra tashe i ke ketu ne kete pako.Te deshiroje momente te kendeshme ne to.Deshta ti bleje te leshit, mirpo ishe ndjersite ndoshta, e kete e vrejta edhe te disa kolege te punes.Nuk e dita numrin e madhesise, keshtu qe me ndihmoi shitesja, e cila i provoi per mua.Deshta ti bleje te lekures, mirpo ato nuk mundesh me i deshe shpejt, sidomos kur te takohesh me kolege ne pune.E di qe do te perlyhen shpejte, sepse njerezit i kana duart e papasterta.Po mos u ben merak, se edhe pak e vjen Pranvera, e tani ski nevoje me i bajt. ...te puthe i dashuri i YT.
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Ja sjell kamarieri nji supë nji musafiri,mysafiri e vëren qi gishti i kamarierit ishte mbrenda në supë dhe fillon ta qorton ,pse a? Kamarieri i tregon se mjeku i kishte thanë qi gishtine e ke smut ,dhe duhesh gjithmon ta mbajshë në vend të nxehtë..! A? po a thot mysafiri..po mbaje gishtin në bothë edhe aty e ki nxehtë...a nive a? Po zotri po aty ishte pak para se me ta sjellë supën--bon apetit...
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Dy femije jane ulur ne sallen e pritjes te nje laboratori ne pritje per te bere analizat. Nje nga dy kalamajt qan me te madhe.
Pse qan? E pyet tjetri
Sepse duhet te bej analizat e gjakut, dhe do me shpojne me nje gjilpere ne gisht.
Ma ka thene vellai im me i madh
Ne ate moment edhe kamalani tjeter fillon te qaje
Po ti pse qan? - pyet tjetri
Sepse duhet te bej analizen e urines
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Alo, shtepia Beqiri, eshte zoti Beqiri ne shtepi?
- Jo, babi nuk eshte ne shtepi.
- Po zonja Beqiri?
- As mami nuk eshte ne shtepi. jam vetem me motren.
- Atehere me kalo motren te lutem.
Pak disa minutash ne pritje, vajza kthehet tek telefoni.
- Zoteri, me vjen keq po nuk mund te te kaloj motren, provova deri tani dhe nuk e nxjerr dot nga djepi
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Ne klase mesuesja pyet nxenesit :
-Ne nje peme jane 5 zogj.Nje gjahtar qellon me çifte dhe vret 3 zogj.Sa zogj mbeten ne peme?
-2 zogj mesuese ,pergjigjet nje nxenes
-Bravo e gjete thote mesuesja
Nje nxenes tjeter ngrihet dhe e kundershton :
-Ne peme nuk mbeti asnje zog mesuese se u tremben nga zhurma Mesuesja e vene ne pozite mendohet pak dhe i thote: bravo me pelqen llogjika qe perdor.
Po ky nxenes thote:
-Ta them edhe une nje probleme mesuese?
-Thuaje ia kthen mesuesja
-Jane 3 femra duke ngrene akullore,e para e lepin me majen e gjuhes e dyta me gjithe gjuhen dhe e treta e fut akullore ne goje, cila nga keto te treja eshte e martuar?
-Ajo qe e fut te gjithe akulloren ne goje -thote mesuesja
Jo mesuese, ajo qe ka unaze te gishti, por gjithsesi me pelqen llogjika qe ndjek.
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Nje djal i vogel i thote te jatit :
- Mua me pelqejne hudhrat se mbajne era sallam.
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Nje cift kishte dale xhiro bashke me djalin e tyre. Diku me larg, djali shikon nje grumblull me njerez dhe behet kurioz te shkoje atje.
- Kot mblidhen njerezit sot. - i thote i ati. Por djali insiston:
- Epo shko atehere, - i thote perseri i ati, - por mos u vono!
Atje ishte nje femer qe ishte mbytur. Sapo e kishin nxjerre, e meqe ishte ashtu nudo, polici i kishte vene kapelen e tij ne vendin intim. Djali e pa dhe u kthye tek prinderit.
- Cfare kishte atje? - pyeti i ati.
- Kishte te drejte babi! Kot ishin mbledhur. Ishte nje grua qe po bente nje polic.
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Nje djale i vogel e kishte marre zakon qe te thithte gishtin e madh te dores.E ema per ta trembur i tha:
-Mos bej ashtu, se te gjith femijet qe thithin gishtin shendoshen teper.
Djali u tremb dhe e harroi zakonin.
Pas disa kohesh duke kaluar rruges nena dhe djali takuan nje grua shtatzene.
Djali me te shpejte u hodh dhe tha:
-Ahaaaaa , un e di ca ke bere ti qe je shendosh kaq shume.
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Ne dhomen e femijeve Eri filloi te bertiste .
E ema shkon ne dhome pa fryme dhe shikon vajzen dy vjecare qe po i shkulte floket djalit me te madh.
Duke i qetesuar e ema ngadale i heq floket nga dora e se bijes. Eri qante dhe e ema i thote per ta qetesuar:
- Eri , mos qaj sepse nuk e ka bere me qellim. Ajo eshte e vogel dhe nuk e njef se cfare eshte dhimbja.
E ema del nga dhoma por sapo arrinte pragun e deres vajza fillon te bertiste dhe qante.
E ema kthehet me vrap dhe pyet se cfare ndodhi
Eri heq doren nga floket e motres dhe kthehet nga e ema:
- I tregova motres se cfare eshte dhimbja
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Timi ishte teper i gezuar qe po i vinte ne shtepi nje moter ose vella i vogel.Ishte kaq i gezuar sa qe c'do dite i tregonte shokeve dhe shoqeve te klases se ca thonin mami me babin per bebin e vogel. Nje dite e ema e Timit e la Timin ti perkiste barkun qe te ndjente levizjet e femijes.Timi pasi i ndjeu levizjet nuk reagoi shum dhe iku. As ne shtepi dhe as ne klase nuk e permendi me .
Nje dite mesuesja kurioze e pyet:
-Timi, a arriti bebi tek shtepia apo akoma?
Timi i ndrojtur ja futi te qares.
-Jo mesuese , bebin e hengri mami




Nje vajz e cila ishte adhuruse e madhe e revistave mujore hyn ne nje dyqan edhe e pyet shitsin :ZOTRI A JU KAN ARDHUR MUJORET -------

Nje grua mbante diet,donte te hum disa kilogram te tepert qe kishte. Ajo shkon ne banjo ban nje tush dhe pas hyp ne peshoren qe ndodhet ne banjo e gezuar hume i thot burrit I DASHUR KAM HUMB 2KG .
Burri e shikon dhe i thot E DASHUR PO TI ENDE SJE SHMINKUAR

kishpas planifiku i ndjeri Ibrahim Rugova ne ate kohen e vet me bombardu gjermanin me raket.. edhe tash kur e trus raketen mu nis spo niset pret me ja ni krismen po nuk e nin..
kur shkon qka me pa 2 miljon shqiptar ishin ngjiten mas raketes e dojshin me shku ne gjermani edhe ata u kna ni djal dhe nena e tij i ka than kur te shkojsh ne klas te pare kur te pyet mesuesja sa vjet i ki i thua gjasht ,
kur te pyet si qyesh it hua adrian ,dhe kur te pyet a po rritesh i thua kapak.Pasatj kur shkoi ne shkoll ne kklas te par mesuesja e pyet si e ki emrin i tha gjashte ,sa vjet iki i thot adrian , dhe mesuesja i thati a po ban hajgare me mua ky i tha kapak.

Mallkimi" kosovar.

1. Marsh pjesë në emisionin e RTK-së "Ngjyra jete"
2. Të këndoftë Ziber Avdiu në dasëm.
3. Paç frizurën si të Bajram Rexhepit.
4. Paç gruan llafazane si Valentina Saraçini
5. E folsh shqipen si Labi e Loca
6. Qofsh orator si Benet Kaçi
7. Marsh shpërblim "Zhurma Show"
8. Paç zë të mirë si Brikena Beqiri
9. U ngujofsh në ashensor me Genta Ismajlin
10. T'u bëfte gruaja Zhade...

 
Eshte martuar nje fshatar me nje qytetare dhe kur mbyllen ne dhom vajza i thot: me fal por mua ma ka marr virgjinitetin dikush tjeter , katunari i thot , ca ka lidhje edhe mu ma ka marr hasani kolicen
ish kan niher nje gru edhe pe vet njanin hej a po vjen te shpija jeme nashta e din perqka po po e di per asi seni a po po------------
pse magari kur ta cije magaricen kshyr ka dilli?
kshir a ka vakt edhe per ty ehehehheishin kon 3 majmuna kishin ik pi kopshtit zologjik
majmuni 1 kish hup
majmuni 2 ish kon tu hanger banone
majmuni 3 jam tu ja kallxu ciket vic

ishin kan amerikani gjermani edhe shqiptari.edhe ju kan thon me ju cu ne sahar shka kishi marr me veti.
amerikani ka thon buk kur te unton a me hanger
gjermani ka thon uj ku te merr etja pi uj
shqiptari une marr der te kerrit kur te me vjen nxet e celi xhamin

1.Amerikanja : yes yes
2.Gjermanja : gut gut ja ja
3.Shqiptarja: pash zotin mos i trego askujt

ishte nji polic n’rrug
kur po kcur pak po vjen nji njeri tu vrapu
ku e ka ordinancen doktor ….
ja ktu tha polici!
hyn te doktori dhe i thot:
doktor ndihm-ndihm…
cfar ke e pyeten doktori i friksuar?
e kam golltitur celsin e shtepis!
doktori:aiiiiiii paj hyr ka dritarja

ishin kan niher shiptari gjermani edhe italiani
edhe jan kan do pula edhe ni knus me ni koqak edhe knusin e kan ba si pul edhe a po muj me gjet se cili asht knusi hin gjermani sun e gjen hin italiani sun e gjen kur te hin shiptari ja ban kush asht aj car qe i ka gjeth kto femna knusi e qon kryt edhe e gjan.

na ishin nje her nje amerikane nje shqiptare edhe nje gjermane qe te ria kane pas me lind edhe vje mjeku se pari radhen e kishte amerikanja edhe e leshon muziken edhe femija del tu kcy,
tani radhen e kishte gjermanja qa mi bo qa mo bo merr nje lule edhe ja afron edhe del femia duke marre ere,tani vje radha e shqiptares te gjitha mjeku ja provon por agje nuk bon pune edhe me ne fund mjeku lodhet edhe tu dal e shane me none del femija tonen.

e pyet gruaja burrin,
sa here me ke tradhetuar?
nje here i thote burri,me gruan e komandantit..
po ti,e pyet burri gruan??
une dy here i thote gruaja..
me komandantin,dhe gjithe ushtrineee

Rrinë plaku dhe plaka.
Plaka i thotë;
- Plakush, unë akoma dij t’i çoj këmbët përpjetë…
- Di edhe unë, ia kthen plaku.
Po kush do t’na e "bëj atë punë" se…

-A e ke pa që secili kondom, në fund e ka numrin serik…
-Jo, i përgjigjet shoku.
-Normal që s’e ke pa, se kurrë nuk e ke shpërvjelur deri në fund.

Një pjestar i KFOR-it, bën pompa (skleka).
Afrohet Azemi, e shikon, e shikon, e shikon…
Më ne fund i thotë:
- A nuk po e sheh o hajvan, se te paska ikë…
Djali:
- Nënë, baba mka sha sot
Nëna:
- Të shau!! Po si të shau?
- Më tha ,,Ik se ta q. nanën...
- Mos u bën merak... s'e ka nëna at fat!!!

Disa fëmijë po grindeshin me njëri-tjetrin se kush e kishte gjyshin më të gjatë. I pari tha - Gjyshi im është i gjatë sa një pallat pesëkatësh !
I dyti tha: - I imi është i gjatë deri tek retë !
- A ka kapur diçka të butë aty - e pyeti i treti ?
- Po - ia preu i dyti.
- Kanë qenë bolet e gjyshit tim - iu përgjigj i treti

Takohen dy shoke ne rruge por njeri prej tyre ishte i merzitur dhe tjetri e pyet:
- Cfare ke?
Ky i pergjigjet:
- Po ja , kur u ktheva mbreme ne shtepi, gjeta gruan ne shtrat me nje gjerman.
- Po ti cfare i the?
- Cfare ti thosha , une nuk di asnje fjale gjermanisht !
 
 
BURRI NE GJERMANI
Burri punonte ne GJermani,nje dite kthehet ne shtepi ashtu pa i lajmeruar... kur i ofrohet shtepise,ne oborr,gruaja pastronte rrobat,burri i shkon ngadal nga mbrapa.. edhe ia mbyll syte me duar ..ajo filloi po i prek duart e tij the po i thote: POSTIERI OSE PYLLTARI JE ........

 
 
 
 
jan kan 2 bretkoca tu rrezit dhe ja nis shi
njera thot ajde im ne uj se po na lag shiu
 
 
 
 
 
 
Nje Polic dhe nje qytetar nga Prishtina shkuan ne Spidtalin e gjinekologjise,se grate e tyre kishin lindur...
pas pak kohe del nje moter medicinale me nje zezak te vogel .
-Hooopaaaa, beri nga habia qytetari...
- Eshte i imi sigurisht, se gruaja ime edhe gjellerat gjithmone i shkrumon....
 
 
 
 
 
 
Skenderbeu e mori kalin dhe u nise
tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak
tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alaktak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak tak alak dhe arriti ne KRUJ
 
 
Qysh thojn grat ne seks???
Gjermanja thot ohhh mach weiter!!!!!!
Amerikanja thot yeahh baby yeah!!!!!!!!
kurse shqiptarja thot OOhhhh pash zotin mos i kallxo kurkujna!!!!!
_________________
 
 
 
 
 
 
u kanen ni njeri edhe ka shku me ble mushkri edhe kur i ka ble nipar i ka mshef te mushkrit kur u shku te arkame pagu k a kesh shum edhe aj shitsi ja ka bo kadal s po te bin mushkrit aj i ka nxjerr e ka than qe merri se veq bona hajgare e shitsi as qe e ka dit qe i ka vjedh
Ishin ra dy dembela me fjet,fryen era dhe e hap deren kur po ja bon njani dembel tjetrit allahile per sa koh mundesh me mbyll deren,tjetri i pergjigjet po per nja nje jav,ai tjetri po shikon i habitur edhe po i thote,,O KU JE RAKET BRE''
 
 
 
Ka qene hasa dhe hysa ata e kane bere ne plan per te shkuar ne disko por
babai i tyre nuk i ka lene atehere hasa i ka thene hyses a shkojme ne dhome edhe e bejme sikur ne disko ata e ndezshin dhe e fikshin driten hasa ja ka shkel hyses kemben hysa tha kush ma shkeli kemben hasa i tha aaaaaiiiiii sa njeriu eshte ketu.

 
 
 
 
ni polic ishte ne komunikacion dhe qka gjajke nalke dhe nje ujk ka kalon andej tu ngajt edhe e nal polici dhe e rre shum edhe ujku veq nalet dhe e kqyr?ja ban polici qka po kqyr! ujku ja ban nuk ki faj ti jo po kam faj un qe nuk te kam hanger sa je kan ti rujt lopt.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ka qene komandanti me ushtaret e vet,komandanti po ju thot ushtareve te behen rresht sipas shkollave qe i kane kryer te gjithe po rreshtohen ndersa njeri ka mbetur pa u rreshtuar komandanti i tha
pse ti nuk po rreshtohesh ushtari tha une nuk di se ku te rreshtohem sepse nuk kam te kryer asnje shkolle komandanti i thote eja pra mbas meje.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Na ishte nje here Nastradini ne oborr me gomeret.Shoket kur kaluan e pyeten.
-Si i ke djemte o babai i gomereve.
Mire po si jeni ju o bijte e mij, tha nastradini.



3 Vajza hypin ne nje tretn njera eshet gjermane tjetra zvicrank e tjetera Shqiptare edhe kjo gjermanka e nxer prafumin edhe kur te qet thot madeni Germany
Zvicranka e nxer pafumin e qet thot madein zhvicerland kjo shqitarja tja fut pordh edhe thot madein FASULJA. LooooooooooooooL
 
 
 
 
 
 
Mesohet se Drakula jetonte vetem me gjakun e femrave te virgjera. Ne vitin 2004 vendosi te vije ne shqiperi dhe per pak, desh vdiq nga etja
 
 
 
 
 
 
Nje vlonjat shkon ne nje restorant per te drekuar me nja dy shoke, pasi mbarojn se ngreni vlonjati ngrihet per te shkuar ne tualet por pa hyre mire pastrusja e restorantit i thote,
me falni por aty eshte tualeti per femra, dhe vlonjati me edukat i kethen pergjigje, me falni zonie po ky imi per cfare eshte!
 
 
 
 
 
 
Njani kerkonte femer te persosur per martese ajo duhej te kishte, koken si amerikane, trupin si italiane dhe kembet si japoneze, pasi refuzon disa sosh, njera qe ishte ne radhe i thote:
kam degjuar kushtet tua por a bon ta shoh ate sendin tend njehere, pasi e sheh ajo ja kthen: qysh po mendon ti me qate antene te dredht ty me ti nxan tri kontinente a?
_________________
 
 
 
 
 
 
U kan ni qik edhe ni djal edhe jen kan en bodrum ja kan nis mu ....... edhe i ka pa baba i asaj qikes ja ka bae qka po bani ja kan bae po .... aj ka than aha une menofta qe po pini cigare
 

 
 
 
 
 
Po e shikon Bali, Swiss Loton.
Havushja ishte shtrirë, e kishte zënë gjumi.
Po e shikon Bali TV, edhe hoooop, e zuni preminë.*Jack Pot
-Havushe, premia, na ra premia.!-fillo të bërtas.
Havushja hiç s’po përgjigjet.
E prekë Havushen, hiç. E shkundullon Havushen, ajo hiç.
Kur ia prek pulsin, puls hiç.
-Vallha kur ta don, ta don!- tha Bali
 
 
 
 
 
 
e kish thirr mbreti hajradinin edhe ja kish boe 3 pytje
1.sa ka yje ne qjell
2.ku mesi tokes
3.qka jam tu menue une

Si mos ti dish per 1 jav qeto pytje te vrami
Edhe hajradini shkon me shpi edhe i kallxon nasradinit
nasradini thot:lema ket pun mue une shkoj dhe pergjigjna
Shkon nasradini mbret ja bon pytjen e par

1.sa ka yje ne qjell thot nasradini:sa kime ki kry ti mbreti thot:po mir
2.ku mesi tokes thot nasradini qaty ku je ul ti mbreti thot:mir asht
3.qka jam tu menue une thot nasradini ti je tu menue qe jam hajradini po une jam nasradini.  Ishin kon ni burr edhe ni gru te dyt shum te bardh me flok me vetlla me krejt te bardha
.Edhe e bojn ni thmi e ai thmija osht i kuq flokt e kuqe vetllat e kuqe e krejt.Shkojn te mjeku edhe e vesin pse kta dy te bardh e thmija i kuq.Mjeku i vet se sa her boni seks
-1 her ne mujt - thojn ata
-Osht puna e ndryshkit - thot mjeku ghaghaghaghgha e trent a
 
 
Ne nj aeroplan ushtarak kan fluturu nj Gjerman, Italian, Shqiptar dhe nj Grek. Duke fluturuar prishet nj motor i aeroplanit dhe smundet me e mbajt rendesin, vullnetarisht si patriot duhet 3 veta me kcye prej aeropllanit.
Fillon i pari:
per Emrin e popullit Gjerman kcej i pari.
i dyti:
per Emrin e popullit Italian kecej edhe une,
tona i vjen reni Shqiptarit:
Per Emrin e popullit Shqiptar e xhuj ket Grek


 
Shkojne Hasa Hysa me vjedh dhe Njani hyn ne magazine me vjedh e tjetri rrin me rujt dhe hyp ne lis.
Pak me vone vjen atypari nje Polic dhe e shef Hysen ne lis dhe po e vet-qka ke hyp ne lis bre
E ky i thot: qe po lexoj vjersha
Polici: hajt ta degjoj nje
Hysa: O sa mire po rrezon hana ik o Has se tu qi Nana
 
 
 
 
I troket Hysenit vdekja në derë:
- Kam ardhur për shpirtin tënd.
Hyseni kthehet, dhe bërtet:
- Razë, shpirt, po të lyp dikush.
 

 
 
 
 
 
vjehrra i thot nuses
quu oj nuse, shoqet e tua po zgjohen ne 8 nsabah e ti deri 12 ala tuj fjet je !

nusja ja kthen nga dhoma gjumit
a po a?po edhe shoqet e tua gjith i kan fotografit ne bandera, e ti çka po pret?
 
 
 
 
Burri: E dashur sot kam shit 3 dishek edhe 20 par brek
i kam fitue 800 Euro.
Gruja: I dashur sot me ni dyshek pa brek kam fitue
2000 Euro.
 
 
 
 
Tradhtia
Takohen dy njerz ne parajs dhe njeri e pyet tjetrin pse ke vdek"Ai i pergjigjet jam ngrier ne friz ndersa ky e pyet ate tjetrin e ty pse ke vdekur duke shkuar ne pun me than se eshte duke te tradhtu gruaja une ja futa vrapit per ne shtepi
kur arrita e pash gruan duke fshir ne kuzhin dhe nga gezimi qe nuk me tradhtoi vdeka e ky tjetri ia kthen po pse nuk erdhe me e hap deren e frizit dhe kishmi pshtu tu dyte.
 
 
 
 
DJALI Na ishte njeher nje djale dhe gjdo merembje para se te binte kur hinte ne dhome nje her pshtynte nga dritarja tani binte ne shtrat kur nje nate pshtyni ne shtrat dhe ra nga dritarja.Pastaj del Thaqi edhe i thot mesuesja kush e zbuloi Ameriken Veriore ai thot.....
Rugovaaaaaaaaaaaaa
 
 
 
 
MESUESI DHE NXANESAT nje nje or mesimi mesusja e i thot ni nxensi qu ti dhe lakoma fjalen laj
ai thot un laj, ti lan,ne lajm e nalet e i thot mesusja pse u nale thot djali po mesuse u hargjit bujleri

Hasa e hysa ishin kon ne burg e hasa mer ni gur e nis me shkrujt te muri i thot hysa mos o has mos shkruj se po na perzan prej burgu...
Ni lyps lypke ne udhe e kish ul kryt te posht e thoshte:O Zot qomi 10 euro,edhe veq qishtu kish pas thon.Qaty kalojn nja dy postjera e kur e shohin ashtu,njoni thot po ja lojm 10 euro tjetri tha hajt se 5 i ka boll.
E ja lan 5.Ai lypsi kur i qel syt i she 5 euro kshyr kur i she ata te postes tu shku e thot"O Zot mo mos um qo pare permes postes se kta gjysen po mi nalin".
 
 
 
 
ishe kone nje gru dhe i kishe thone djalit te vet hajt shko deri te kujshia e lypja nje meter, kure shkone djali i thot kujshine me ka qu nona a e ke nje meter, e ai kujshia i thot shko thuje nones tone nuk e kame nje meter hihihi.

Kish qen Nje I menqure Ne thojza ihhi Edhe tani eka pas nje peshk edhe eka nervozue nje dite edhe eka marre pershkun edhe ika thon tash kom me te myt kom me ta shtije kryt
Ne ujishin kan 3 qika njera e Gjilanit njera e Ferizait edhe njera e Drenices edhe kan shku ne kafiq pi diqka...
kur i pyt kamarieri se qka doni me pi kjo e Gjilanit thot mu birma nji dredhz... kjo e Ferizait thot mu nje moll.. kurse kjo e Drenices thot mu birma 1 kalavesh rrush edhe njo 2 killa BANANE...
 
 
 
 
Ishe kan nje Zoge edhe nje Zogeshe Zogu e pyte Zogeshen a ciu cui Zogesha i thote ncuk e pyte edhe nje her a ciu ciu apet i thote ncuk kure mase 15 minutave Zogesha i thot umfale po qitashe a ciu ciu Zogu qitashe ciu ciu ne dore ....
 
 
 
 
shkojn tre shok me ble kondoma ne kiosk lyp i pari italiani thot dua 4 kondoma 1 per te merkuren 1per enjte,premte,shtunde:i 2 lyp shqiptari thot mi jep 7 kondoma 1 per te hanen ,mareten ,merkuren ,enjten,premten,shtune
.dielen italiani shikon me habi :i vie radha zvicrranit aithot mi jep 12 kondoma ,shqiptari dhe italiani habiten shum, zvicrrani thot 1 per janar 1 per shkurt 1mars PER TAN VITIN....
 
 
 
 
pse Lul nuk je kan dje ne shkoll? e pyeti msusja Lulin
Luli: po.. psuse dje erdha kah shpija jote dhe t'i pash tlinat tuj u ter, e thash se nashta nuk ka msusja shka me vesh e nuk vjen hiq ne shkoll, e per qata nuk erdha dje
 
 
 
 
Ka qen nje dite e bukur me diell,dhe lakra kishte hapur fletet e saja kur speci e sheh lakren ia kthen oj laker qka je haparesh ashtu at gjuhna------
 
 
shkon njani mu rru, edhe rruhet posht e nalt per 5 euro,,edhe kthehet nje shtepi i tregon grus te vet ajo thot edhe un njeri po shkoj masi koka lir, shkon kjo gruja edhe e pyt apo me rruni sikur burrin tem per 5 euro,
,berberi i thot ti duhesh me pagu 10 euro se te aj kam pas ku mu majt e te ti nuk kam kthehet gruja te shpija edhe i tregon burit se qe i kishte kushtuare roja 10 euro e buri e vet a ke mashkull a femereNje aeroplan pasi i ndalen motorret fillon te rezohet.
Nje femer ne ate rast fillon te bertas:
Masi veq po vdes kisha pas qef me ndie veten per here te fundit femer.
Nje burre pasi e degjon qohet dhe e hjek kemishen dhe i thot:
-MERRE E HEKUROSMA QET KEMISH
shkon ni shiptar en gjumuni. ai ish kon teper i dhonen mas muzikes. e kish pas marr me veti ni kasete me qitelia. si tmrrin en gjumuni, hyp en taxi e i thot gjermonit lshoma qit kasete! ai e lshon e kur tja nis oooiiiii uuuuu bre e qitelia cingelinge cingelinge trang trang.
taxisti e nxerr fill kaseten e i mshon kshtu per dore tak tak tak se kujton se mes ju ka pshtell kaseta.
Në ditarin e një gruaje që kishte udhëtuar me anije shkruhej:
- E martë, është dita e tretë e udhëtimit në anije. Sot m’u afrua kapiteni I anijes dhe po më vardiset…
- E mërkurë, kapiteni I anijes më ftoi për drake në kabinën e tij…
- E enjte, kapiteni I anijes kërkoi që ta kaloj natën me mua…
- E premte, kapiteni I anijes më kërcënoi se nëse nuk pranoj të flej me të do ta fundos anijen bashkë me 387 pasagjerë…
E shtunë, I shpëtova 387 pasagjerët e anijes sonë!
  Ajri
Pse në mëngjes heret ajri është shumë i ftohtë?
"Sepse ka ndenjur gjithë natën jashtë".


 
Majmuni
Rrusta kishte hipur në një degë të lisit dhe hante banana. Shokët, që i kishin zili, i thonë:
- Zbrit ore poshtë, majmunët kaherë kanë zbritur nga drunjtë.
- Po i shoh! – përgjigjet Rrusta.
*****************
Vullkanizuesi i posamartuar, e sjell nusen e re ne banjo, e mbush kaden plote uje dhe i thote:
-"Zhvishu dua te te provoj se je apo jo e virgjer". Nusja zhvishet me habi dhe e pyet:
-"Po pse ketu, le te shkojme ne shtrat!?"
-"Hyre ne uje, dhe nese paraqiten fluskat s'kemi pse te shkojme ne shtrat" - ia kthen ky.
Vetem tre here
KAN DAL DJALI NUSJA DHE NENA ME PI KAFE NE NEJ RESTERAT KUR KA DHKUE KAMARJERI ME I VET QA PO DONI ME PI DJALI JU PERGJIGJ NJE KAPUQIN PO ASHTU EDHE NUSJA KURSE NANA I KA THEN DJALIT KAPU QINI JU SE UN PO RRI QETU E PO PI KAFE
Dy miq diskutonin dhe bisedonin per miqesine e dashurine qe kishin mes tyre. Kur njeri e pyeti tjetrin ,, Po te vdes une para teje, a do te vish ne varrim ?, ai ju pegjigj : ,, Me kenaqesi "
 
 
 
 
 
 
Dy vajza adoleshente po laheshin nën dush dhe njëra prej tyre tha:
-Majmunit tim të vogël kanë filluar ti dalin qimet.
Ndërsa vajza tjetër tha:
-Kurse majmuni im ka filluar të hajë dhe banane...
 
 
I kish dek nana nje bjondes nje dite,dhe ajo u merzit shum,pasneser u merzit mas shum...-cka ki more?-jam merzit shum se mue para nje dite me deki nana edhe tasht veq sa fola me motren ne gjermani e me tregoj se edhe asaj i kish dek nana.....
Mjeku i thotë Hasës: Duhet ta bëni analizën e gjakut,urinës dhe nevojës së madhe. Hasa i thotë: Urdhëro shoku mjek brekët e mia, aty i ke të gjitha
 
 
 
 
 
 
C'thone femrat e vendeve te ndryshme kur bëjnë dashuri ?

Anglezja thot ' yes, yes'
Gjermanja 'gut, gut'
E Shqiptarja 'pash zotin mos i trego askujt'
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I bertet mesuesja nxenesit pse u vonove sot,nxenesi po e qova lopen me eth mesuesja a s'boni baba a nxenesi po po mezati ma mire--------
 
 
 
 
 
 
CiftiNje cift pleqsh po festoni pervjetorin e marteses nudo.Plaka i thote plakut:-I dashur po ndjej akoma nxehtesine ne trup si para 40 vjeteve.Plaku:-E dashur, te kane rene cicat ne pjaten e supes.-----
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
Nje kinez shkon te doktorri. Pasi hyn ne zyre doktorri e pyet cfare ka.- Me jep fjalen qe s'do qeshesh - i thote kinezi.Dhe doktrorri i jep fjalen.
Kinezi heq pantallonat dhe breket dhe i tregon penisin qe e ksihte shume te vogel. Doktrorri mezi po mbante te qeshuren po me profesionalitet e pyet:- Cfare problemi ka ?- Ka 3 dite qe me eshte enjtur
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ishin kon ni burr edhe ni gru tu bo seks en dhom , edhe hin djali i tyne en dhom edhe i tho: BAB SHKA JE KA BON? baba i pergjgjiet: QE DJALI JAM JOM TU TA BO NI VLLA . djali ja kthen prapanicen babes edhe i thot: BAB QE EDHE MU BOMA NI BICIKELL
 
 
 
 
 
 
Nje djale i vogel e kishte marre zakon qe te thithte gishtin e madh te dores.E ema per ta trembur i tha:
-Mos bej ashtu, se te gjith femijet qe thithin gishtin shendoshen teper.
Djali u tremb dhe e harroi zakonin.
Pas disa kohesh duke kaluar rruges nena dhe djali takuan nje grua shtatzene.
Djali me te shpejte u hodh dhe tha:
-Ahaaaaa , un e di ca ke bere ti qe je shendosh kaq shum
Kishin qen dy shok të mirë dhe kishin pas pir tër naten deri sa jan dehur dhe kishin vendosur te kethehen në shtëpi por ishte shum von dhe nuk kishte ma autobus dhe vendosen me marr nje taxi
,shkun te taxisti dhe po e pyesin se sa kushton për tre vet deri te filan rruga,
kurse taxsisti po ju thot po ju qenkeni veq dy veta pse po thua tre kurse i dehuri po i thot pse a ti nuk vjen me neve a ?
Eshte martuar nje fshatar me nje qytetare dhe kur mbyllen ne dhom vajza i thot: me fal por mua ma ka marr virgjinitetin dikush tjeter , katunari i thot , ca ka lidhje edhe mu ma ka marr hasani kolicen
 

 
 
 
 
 
ishin kan amerikani shqiptari dhe gjermani dhe i pyet zoti cili e keni baben me te vogel gjermani thot baba jem hyp ne shkam per me qel deren. amerikani thot baba jem hyp ne karrik per me perkdhel qenin. shqiptari thot baba jem me ka dek e pyt zoti qysh po thot tu mledh dredhza me shkall, mu ka mbyt.
 
 
moj e mir qe po me shkon me lop apo mi jep qato molla permi shok permi shok e ner jelek largou djal e mos mi prek se jan te embla e qesin sherbet kmisha e trash po mi vret me kmish te holl po me vjen Lezet kur po mi prek po Derdhna krejtt
Po e takon Tali Tulin e po i thot:
O Tulo , po me vjen keq, po per nere, dje e kam pa gruen e tane me Lalin ne kallamoq te Kulit.
Tuli po ia kthen:
Ai burre , cka po me kallxon mue , po as ara e as kallamoqi i jem nuk jan , shko e kallxoj te zotit te ares.---------------
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ishin Kan 3 Vajtza Ne Tren Nje Gjermane Nje Zvicrank Edhe Ni Shiptark Dh Duke Shkuar Rruges Gjermanka E Nzjerr Parfimin Edhe E Qet Do Dhe Ja Ban Made In Germania Mas Andej Edhe Zvicranka E Qet Dhe Ja Ban Made In Suiss
Kurse Shiptarka Nuk Kish Pas Parfim Dh E Leshon Ni Pordh Dhe Ja Ban Made In Pasul
 
Plaçkitsi

En 12 t’nates bon telefoni en stacion t’policis edhe Nihet ni zo i femnes:
Em ka hi ni person i panjoher n’banes, ju kisha lut me ardh mi marr nesër ka ora 10.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Qeli me flok

Ni mjek thirr en stacion t’policis edhe ju thot: Ni budall i rrezikshem u ik pi spitalit.
Po a? Qysh doket? - Osht qel, i ka flokt e gat. Thot Doktori
Qysh muNet mu kon qel edhe mi pas flokt e gat? – bohet nervoz polici.
Po a t’thash qe osht budall.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Dhondrri kursys

Gruja pi thot burrit t’vet tamashqar:
Burr, qika hini n’dhom t’veten me ni djal, e kan nal driten edhe ju ka ul n’prehen en karrik…
Qeky dhonderr pe mu përshtatka, edhe pi kursejka rrymen edhe pi përdorka viq ni karrik.
 

 
 
 
 
 
Nje fshatar po kthehej ne shtepi nga pazari, por kishte ndjesine sikur kishte harruar diçka , por nuk po e kujtonte se çfare.

Ndersa po i afrohej shtepise, kjo bindje ju be kaq e forte saqe ai ndali kuajt dy a tre here., krruajti koken i turbulluar dhe perpiqej te rikujtonte çfare kishte harruar, por me kot.
Me ne fund ar